Survey results do not always give the full picture, but they can give us a glimpse into peoples’ lives and thoughts. In a recent survey of more than 300 divorced people in the Charlotte area, respondents discussed the “real” reason their marriage ended. Their answers could give us some idea what causes divorce these days and what type of conflicts are no longer common.

Abuse and addiction

Some of the respondents experienced serious marital problems, such as a spouse who was emotionally abusive or struggled with addiction. One woman said her ex-husband hid money and tax problems from her, kept secrets and tried to convince her she was crazy. Another said her ex used to threaten her. Others were married to people who could not hold a job due to alcoholism.

Poor marital matches

For other couples, the issues that pulled them apart were not as frightening. They simply discovered they were not compatible to be married to each other. “We should have been business partners, not life partners,” one wrote. Another woman complained that her ex was lazy and distant, and treated her more like a sister than a wife. Another person said that she and her ex-husband were both trying to change themselves when they got married, when they would have been better off accepting themselves as they were.

Not ready to be married

In other cases, people believed they got married too young. One respondent believes she was too immature and critical when her marriage began. Another said that both he and his former spouse were too immature and unable to communicate for their marriage to survive.

Cheating spouses

Infidelity remains a serious problem in the Charlotte metro area. One woman said she filed for divorce after finding out her ex had a secret second family. A man said that his ex-wife wanted to continue living like a single woman despite being married.

You no longer have to convince a judge to divorce you

Whatever the reasons you or your spouse have for seeking a divorce, generally most people file for no-fault divorce, which does not require you to prove that your spouse has ruined your relationship. Revealing such sensitive details about your personal life in court can be painful. No-fault divorce avoids this. But in North Carolina, you must go through a yearlong separation period from your spouse before the divorce can begin.

Fortunately, you can use this time to prepare and negotiate matters like property division and child custody, with your divorce attorney as your advocate and advisor.