In some cases, couples mutually come to the conclusion that they would like to get a divorce. They may go to marriage counseling to discuss the issues they’re having, for instance, only to ultimately realize that these things just can’t be solved.

But, in many cases, one spouse comes to this conclusion before the other. They decide they want to get a divorce, and now they have to figure out how to bring it up. Below are a few tips that may help if you’re in this position.

1. Consider the timing

You do want to choose the right time to bring up divorce. For instance, doing it in the middle of an argument is never the right time. You always want this to be something that you discuss rationally and calmly for the first time.

2. Think about how much time you have

Another aspect of timing is just starting this conversation when you have long enough to talk about all the details. This is not something to bring up if you need to leave for work in 20 minutes. It’s something that would be best talked about without children or other distractions.

3. Try to soften the blow

If you think that your spouse is going to react negatively or emotionally, do what you can to soften the blow. Don’t sound accusatory, for example, but simply talk about how you think this will be mutually beneficial. You do want to be firm in telling them what you want, but that doesn’t mean you have to act aggressively toward them, which just causes them to become defensive.

Having this conversation is just the first step in your divorce. Make sure you know what legal steps come next.